Feeling like an outsider is always tough. I remember how stressful it was on the first day of going to a new school. Would there be anyone that I know? Will I make friends? Will people like me? Coming to church for the first time can feel like that too. The walk from the car to the door can be a heart-rending experience.
We all want to belong, to connect to others in meaningful ways. We are created for relationships. One of the greatest fears in life is that of being alone. All of us have felt the emptiness of loneliness. Some of us experience loneliness everyday. The loss of a spouse or a significant other, relocating to a new neighborhood, or becoming an empty-nester can bring on a profound sense of loneliness. God said that it is not good for man to be alone. (Genesis 2.18) His plan all along has been for us to experience community with Him and others who love us.
Many of us have tried to fill that need in ways that have not helped. We’ve dated or even married people who haven’t really treated us well. We fell in with friends who didn’t take us in the right direction or we filled our lives with shallow relationships that never really met our needs. It’s actually possible to be surrounded by people and still feel loneliness. I’ve had relationships with people for years but don’t feel like I really know them or they me. Relational satisfaction isn’t based solely on how many people we have in our life but also on how well we know them and feel known by them.
The quality of our relationships is as important as the quantity of our relationships. Some of us naturally gravitate to having just a few very close relationships; others to having lots of relationships that vary in depth. Whether we have many or few, the real question is whether those relationships help you to feel connected to others in a deep, lasting and meaningful way.
God’s plan to help us overcome loneliness is two-fold. First, He wants us to have significant relationships with both our natural family and our church family. This is why small groups are so important. To be able to connect to people who love and follow God is one of the most supportive and helpful things we can ever do. Small groups help us as individuals, but they help our marriages and families to thrive as well.
But there is a second part of God’s plan – He wants us to regularly connect with Him in a meaningful way. In fact, He created us in such a way that a part of our soul can only feel content when we are connected deeply in a relationship with Him. In other words, we have a God-shaped vacuum in our hearts that can only He can fill.
We are the most complete when we connect with God at the center of our lives and with others who love God and love us at deep levels. This is God’s plan for us relationally.
How are you doing relationally? Do you feel relationally full or empty? What is a next step for you to take relationally with God?
peter worrall posted on November 2, 2009
I am grateful for a small group that is committed to growing closer together and being real with each other.
My next step with God is in the area of prayer. I need to take time to talk to him in ways that are deeper and more focused. I often shoot up a quick prayer, I talk about business, but I don’t sit down enough and talk to him thoughtfully and meditatively.